It's a pity to be Jaded

This is what 2011 left me with:

A cracked phone and a lost earring.

When each incident happened I just wanted to yell and kick myself again and again. I still want to kick myself now :(

• I can't sell my phone anymore in the event I wish to upgrade a mobile phone :( My pretty white Blackberry is scarred for life :'(
• No more beautiful, exquiste earrings to go with my red and pink bellydance costumes. The pair has followed me for many years and has always been one of my most prized earrings...

Seriously feels sickening to lose your favourite things. And during the last 2 hours of 2011, seriously???!!!

Those are just the tip of the iceberg. It looks like I'm 100% not set to welcome 2011.

1. The first resolution for 2012 I made for myself was during September 2011. I told myself I would get my driving license in 2012. Today, I realise that if you made a resolution you dread, you won't look forward to the New Year
2. By the 2nd last day of 2011, I decided not to make resolutions for the New Year because I am simply too busy feeling depressed about life - work, personal aspects. Sigh

And these are permeating into my attitudes about almost everything else

1. Passed by 3 wedding receptions at Marina Mandarin hotel before my gig last night, and another 2 at my neighbourhood this afternoon. I believe anybody in the right frame of mind would be feeling happy for the couples and basking in the celebratory atmosphere, but there I was being totally unbelieving that crazy people exist to stress themselves and the world around them to the max. Don't they understand what "stress" is? Do they not think the world is stressful enough on New Year's Eve and New Year's Day? Do they not think weddings alone are stressful enough? Do they HAVE TO COMBINE THE 2?? Some people have very serious suicidal thoughts. I prefer to be relaxed
2. While everyone was happy and excited, feeling hopeful and aspirational about the New Year, all geared up about partying till 10am, I just felt like it was another party and 1am is the time to go home and get sleepy. Seriously, it's just another day tomorrow. Get on with life, man.

Perspectives are very different depending on where you are looking from. I am in the middle of a tough job, getting over the loss of a loved one, trying to help the surviving loved one ease into life... there's so much to juggle and nothing I'm juggling looks promising or hopeful as far as I am concerned.

For me, it's "Just get on with life man, seriously."


I know with so many managers at different occasions telling me I have "high energy level", the observation cannot be wrong. One even told me I have 'too much energy'. Yeah, so much energy that I flicked my own earring away during my dance performance and dropped my phone from walking too fast while rushing to the next gig *rolls eyes*

To start thinking positively - I know I am endowed with energy to channel into useful stuff... I know I have lots of power to change things.

But first of all, I need to believe that things... will get better.