KL and that thing called feeling

I feel like I have a lot to tell. Like, A LOT, A LOT, A LOT... I don't even know where to start.

It's mostly unhappy stuff tho. I've been crying a bit - I don't even really know, or want to pinpoint, on what exactly. But it's that irky feeling that wouldn't go away - I still feel it. For the record, my period has ended. I just hope the stars prove my intuition wrong OR my intuition proves itself right by even reacting, that everything will turn out positive in the end.

I need to be lucky and blessed. I should be.


The KL trip has done some good for me. I had thought at first the uneasiness my intuition was giving me was indicating something about the trip, but it actually wasn't. After I came back, the feeling came back too.

Shit, I don't like the way I'm talking. What's all this feeling rubbish. Okay, cut!!

Lemmi show you some pictures from the weekend trip instead! :) It was my first trip to Kuala Lumpur~~~

Waiting for our flight on Friday afternoon.


We met up with Rebecca who had arrived before us and took a taxi together back to hotel. Initial plan was to attend the very first workshop right after we landed, but turned out we miscalculated the time to reach the venue from the airport, so there goes! Even our last workshop on Sunday had to be missed because our return flight was scheduled too early. There you go! This is a team of bad planners :p

We decided to go for dinner instead because Jing was dying from hunger.

Waiting for bak kut teh at eatery outside hotel - the infamous camwhore pose. No Pat album/ holiday is complete without it!




Nice veges


We decided to do some exploring of the city that night, took a taxi out.

Love the towers! :) Rebecca said at this point, "这双塔好... 霜哦！" Damn funny!




Station where you take the MRT, which I didn't manage to commute in during my stay.


My 2 Chinese friends along the clubbing district at Jalan Sultan Ismail.


It's me and (one of) the towers!






Jalan Sultan Ismail - For clubbing and shopping. I like!


Before popping into any of the clubs we decided to drop by the supermarket. Finally I satisfied my ice-cream craving! And dragged these 2 along as well, hahaha!


Settled at Thai Club. Jing's love (singer at club). If you ask me, it's just for the looks...


Picture with Peter, Jing's love!


As per last incident at a Thai club in Singapore Jing pulled me to the stage to dance again. The crowd was really good! They loved our dancing and went clapping, screaming and moving really vigorously. I was pleasantly surprised man! I think, if I were a superstar my concert would definitely sell out :D


Saturday morning: Malaysian breakfast near hotel.






Some shots of the vicinity of our hotel. Quite sub-urby/ slumped actually.






Tamalyn Dallal and I! Yay!! She is the reason I was in KL! :)


Double veil was tough but I really learnt a lot from Tamalyn. Can't wait to put what I've learnt to use! :)

Jing and I went for dinner and did some shopping... before finally arriving grandly at NeoGlobal for hafla :P Check out this gorgeous place! Y


Babes in dresses. I wasn't in a dress so I wasn't a babe that night :P Waiting for performances to start at NeoGlobal Club!


It was fabbuuulloouse performances, seriously. I enjoyed every bit of it - well, almost :p

The rest of the night and next morning we spent drinking beer, eating cakes and chit chatting in the hotel. I was loving travelling with a couple of girls, instead of my usual one-with-one company. I Y my friends! :)


More Tamalyn Dallal in the early afternoon on Sunday and off Jing and I sped to catch our flight home. I was sad to get back to Singapore :(

All in all, KL is really very similar to Singapore, so much so I felt no real desire or curiosity to explore the city's culture. But I still am glad to have visited! KL is after all Singapore's nearest city-neighbour! I've dreamt for so long of visiting :)


So all in all (back to what I started off this entry saying), I'd like to announce I am letting go of the deep sore feelings. I am keeping my attitude positive and upbeat, every single day. That is my only job - nothing else! :) Wish me luck, darlings!

Going mad! I want to cry man.

I am not sure why but I feel sick. Not physically medically kind of sick, but... like psychologically. I don't know how to explain. But it's a feeling that's making me sick. Something that is making me feel not so right.  Actually a few things. I am feeling like a different person from what I was for the last 3 months. My judgement, communication everything... I know this sounds ridiculous to you. I sound ridiculous to myself too. I think my hormones are making me crazy.

I am going on and on about nothing! Maybe I should just stop and FEEL the REAL problem.

Drats! :(

Is it hormones?

I am vexed and sick. I hate feeling like this - having period and cramps and still vexed about choice of jobs. I thought I was over it! DARRNIT.
I am thinking about this following block of analysis.

If the universe feels you are not in the kind of job that would ever permit that to happen, it will get you out of there to help you find a much better setting. You need a job that can show off your talents, dear Leo. Like a rare diamond, you need the right setting to show all of your brilliance to best advantage. It looks like you may have found that position in early November.

Source: AstrologyZone's October forecast for Leo

I need to talk to someone. But who??? How can I make a decision... :(

PS/ Blogger is really slow I'm falling asleep

IT IS CRAZY how flings from 2 years ago can suddenly appear just out of the blue, baffling me entirely.

The irony is, even with a queue of suitors hot at my heels, I haven't been surer - okay to be fair every time I say this I've always felt I've never been surer :P - that love is definitely not anything near what I want now.

After an unanticipated break I am back to my old self wondering what the hell the hooha is all about over love. Seriously. Very simply, I just cannot be bothered about stupid, time-wasting things like love anymore. Especially not after wasting such tremendous effort on something so worthless.

I still want to go out, play, take part in activities and all that light-hearted stuff... I am not being arrogant (a lot of people think I am), but really this is entirely my honest disposition now.

So for sure Pat is back. I am so sorry, darlings. I have kept you waiting.


Work, dance and socialising are taking up 97% of my time, remaining 3% for household chores and Pat-pampering activities. I am happy!

• Private class just now was good, I learnt about ways to improve and got some assurance about my current techniques
• Got a confirmation that I will have a performance in 3 weeks! Very excitedly thinking, planning and preparing for the items now! :)
• Work seems to be progressing... I'm sure by end of this month I should be achieving some significant milestone. Being absolutely positive! :)
• Socialising seems very healthy so far! Don't know how to describe but I'm really happy to be talking to a lot of people everyday, hehe. Not to mention being close to my family dearies again!
• I seem to be bingeing and my tummy is hanging out, but men are still telling me they love it, so... that's REALLY something to be happy about too! hahahahahaha

 
I HAPPY. Craving for more play, please! :)

It is another jumpy and handful update, but I really mean to tell ya everything :)

Rare of me to be home on a Saturday! Except for the fact that the house is really dirty (due to my own making/negligence), I'm really happy to be home and resting.

There is no doubt I've been tiring myself out. Considering the vast amount of time I've been spending in the office, I feel I haven't accomplished much. Maybe that's the reason making me tired :\ And then I spent most of the non-working hours with friends and on entertainment. AND then I keep doing things to break my body, exhausting myself physically. Going home late every night. Breaking my neck, shoulders, chest, arms, thighs, feet from bellydance training, classes, salsa, bollywood and carrying my laptop and documents. I have been falling asleep on every bus trip like nobody's business.

Something is feeling not quite right.

Seriously man! Now I'm feeling guilty having spent so much time, energy and money on non-productive activities :( Someone, please tell me these non-productive activities are productive.

Okay I'll cut it out and start BEING productive.


Wells, update about the visit to my eye surgeon. I've been really fed up with how my vision seemed to be getting worse and eyes are forever, ever dry; and especially now I'm considering driving. So I decided to see my eye surgeon to do a thorough check and find out the problem. Even tho I HATE being possibly told my eyesight is getting worse (you know all my life I've hated going to the optician to find out I need new glasses) and the consultation fee was a freaking $91 I decided I've procrastinated long enough :(

You don't know how worried I was when my surgeon frowned and said "This is definitely not good!" after taking a look at my vision pre-test. Made me sick in the stomach :( He sent me for a power test, which ironically turned out to say my power has not increased since after my surgery 4.5 years ago!

So, after 4.5 years it's still 100 on the left and 150 on the right. It's such a miracle when all my life my eyesight has always been regressing, and regressing, and regressing, and regressing........!! And especially when my surgeon said to begin with sometimes people with high myopia do get regressed power after surgery. And the way I treated my eyes when I was in my previous job - late nights, almost 24 hours of staring at the PC, minimal sleep... woah. I really am surprised :)

Can you imagine I can see better than most of youuuuuuuu!! Hahahahah.

Hence power regression was ruled out and he decided it's the dryness causing poor quality in vision. He prescribed me some power drops to use, which I feel have not really been that powerful really. Altho yes they do clear my vision to a little extent for a while.

I will monitor for a while more with these drops, drink more water and get some supplements for my poor cute dry eyes. If there's still blurriness, I'm gonna be so sure it's higher-order aberrations.............................

*Smirk* You must be wondering what that chim phrase is right! Hehehehehe. I did an extensive google research and found this!

Higher-order aberrations or HOAs are more complex vision errors than lower-order aberrations, which have more familiar names such as nearsightedness, farsightedness and astigmatism.
Higher-order aberrations have relatively unfamiliar names such as coma, spherical aberration and trefoil. These types of aberrations can produce vision errors such as difficulty seeing at night, glare, halos, blurring, starburst patterns or double vision (diplopia).

Source: High-Order Aberrations in the Eye

Those are what I have. And if it really disturbs me enough I will consider going for Custom or Wavefront Lasik.

Higher-order aberrations can create problems such as decreased contrast sensitivity or night vision, glare, shadows and halos. However, higher-order aberrations do not always affect vision. Unlike traditional LASIK, custom LASIK treats both lower- and higher-order aberrations.

Custom LASIK's advantage lies in the area of quality of vision:

• Greater chance of achieving 20/20 vision
• Greater chance of achieving better than 20/20 vision
• Reduced chance of losing best-corrected vision
• Reduced chance of losing visual quality or contrast sensitivity
• Reduced chance of night-vision disturbances and glare

Potential also exists for custom LASIK to treat people who have lost best-corrected vision from any past refractive surgery: LASIK, PRK, RK, etc.

Source: Custom or Wavefront LASIK

Sounds so good!! But wait, it also says this.

Not all refractive surgeons agree that wavefront-guided LASIK can treat higher order aberrations. In fact, studies show that both wavefront LASIK and conventional LASIK can sometimes cause these aberrations because of artificial changes made to the natural shape of the eye's surface. However, wavefront-guided LASIK may be less likely to induce higher-order aberrations than conventional LASIK, according to discussion in the April 2005 issue of Ophthalmology Times.

Source: Custom or Wavefront LASIK

Sigh. Truthfully I never really believed in artificially intercepting with nature, like surgery, medications etc. I was hoping I'll never have to do another surgery again :( Let's see how it goes.

So people, be careful about going to lasik. If you must, ask for Custom or Wavefront Lasik!


I am feeling quite happy these days that I bought a bellydance costume that Fer has touted is "the best bellydance costume" in my collection, and that I've been catching up with friends, and then later there's Halloween!

Oh oh, and. Louise and I will be performing our Bollywood number for Christmas. That's it! I've said it, Lulu! NO BACKING OUT.

I've been tired yes, but after taking my damn rest for a while I'm suddenly very happy again. I cannot WAIT for more and more happy events coming up! Watch out for HALLOWEEN PICTURES.


Happy Halloween, folks!

This update is jumping all over the place

Voilà, I am blogging from office! How are you folks doing, man!

It didn't occur to me till after meeting up with Chris that I haven't been catching up with friends' blogs. I think I have been THAT busy... or engrossed, with work and what-nots.

I am suddenly much happier tho. Hoping this will stay. Happiness/Satisfaction is really the pillar or foundation that everything is built upon.

Work is still nerve-wrecking. I have a lot to do but I'm not doing much, mainly cause really not much time. And yet I am still spending! Bought a new bellydance costume, having dinners with friends, going to see my eye surgeon, halloween party... all these cost.

I need better planning! Or work is never gonna take off! Insecurity is seriously screaming.


Appointment with eye surgeon is later. I hope my eyes are okay... :( Keep you all updated.

What to do

Few days ago I dreamt that I was trying to sell comic books with deliberately cut cover pages to a male colleague. He was only willing to buy each book for $1. It made me quite upset. Ridiculously I had cut up the cover pages to make the comic books better to sell.

Selling
To dream that you are selling something, indicates that you are undergoing changes in your waking life. You may be experiencing difficulties in letting go or parting with something.Learn to compromise. Alternatively, the dream may be a pun that you are "selling" yourself short.

Last night I dreamt he was involved in a fight.

Fighting
To see others fighting in your dream, suggests that you are unwilling to acknowledge your own problems and turmoil. You are not taking any responsibility or initiative in trying to resolve issues in your waking life.

Really, I am not quite sure what compromise I need to make and what initiative I'm supposed to take, but I definitely think these dreams mean something.

Everyone is unique. But not everyone is rare.

The number of entries I've written for October so far is retarded. I didn't even realise the month has passed me by till 8.30pm just now when my manager said pay day is coming soon.

Forecast was raving on and on how good October would be for me. I don't find anything fantastic has happened. The most "fantastic" thing that did take place was that I ended a relationship; which if you really think about, isn't really all that "fantastic".

Still, I can't blame pop astrology for stereotyping. I am afterall a very "uncommon" individual (read: weird).

redcurlyhair * 天之大 says (10:52 PM):
I don't think I'm an easy person to understand
or like

simpleasures says (10:54 PM):
its a good n bad thing

redcurlyhair * 天之大 says (10:56 PM):
how is it good?

simpleasures says (10:56 PM):
good...then wont get "eaten" by ppl
hahaha
the otehr person wont knw what u r thinkin

redcurlyhair * 天之大 says (10:58 PM):
how is it bad?

simpleasures says (10:58 PM):
bad coz other ppl find it hard to communicate with u
haha

There is a reason that I am me, and you are you. Just because I am not you and you are not me does not mean we should live in conflict, criticism, hostility and enemity all the time. If you wouldn't do that to your parents, friends, colleagues - why would you do that to me? You can't expect the whole world to be like you because that simply doesn't happen. Why would you want that, anyway? Wouldn't the world be too boring if everyone were like you? Wouldn't you die 30 years younger cause of frustration from refusing to share your real feelings, or understand how others perceive the world their ways?

There is no understanding in this world. Why do we live together?


Work has been fabulous. Although there's loads and loads to learn, and it's stressing me up every single day, I'm actually enjoying it. It beats having to think about human relationships, any time. Hands down. The past 2 to 3 weeks, I have been trying to tire myself out to the max. I suffered a relatively severe repercussion towards the end of last week/beginning of this week. If I had wanted to put my mind out of perspective and thoughts, it definitely worked. It just isn't so good for the body and performance at work.

Have decided to stop doing that since, for sake of work :P


On a brighter note, I am pleased to announce that I am taking up Bollywood and Jazz this and next month! Will be lining up for performances as well in November. Work-wise, I'm expecting myself to start going for calls independently - nerve-wrecking!

There are so many new experiences coming up, I can't waittttt! :)  As long as I don't have to deal with relationships, life is just wonderful.

Liberated~ (I better remember)

Being liberated spiritually is a very good feeling. I wish I could describe how it feels so I can write it down and reminisce whenever I forget; but it's a snap feeling. I can't even remember how it feels now.

It actually took me 4 days to come to the realisation. Am I slow or what. I can't believe I'm a Director personality type. We're supposed to be able to make decisions fast.

Or maybe, I knew all along what I wanted. But reconciling with reality is another matter altogether.

Welcome to reality, dearest Pat.

Ris Low spoof

This is really sooo funny I must share with you all.

Side track: I love Gurmit Singh, really. I'm so proud of him being such a talented Singaporean fellow mate.:)

World, I am getting so far away from you.

Something is wrong with me... I am feeling super strange. Why am I not feeling as sad as I thought I should be? Why am I not dreaming? Am I staring at earth from above the clouds again (read: being far too objective and analytical)?

Or have I not accepted the fact? Am I in denial?

Please, let me feel. I want to be normal. I don't want to be struck with a whammy and get hit doubly hard when it's too late...

My intuition is amazing

Seemed like a fruitless weekend

I was supposed to complete double the things that I've done so far for work this weekend. Not sure why I've been so distracted.

Been blogging, facebooking, chatting with people, thinking thro relationships...

I suppose this weekend is the time for reflecting on the softer aspects of life. This weekend, I have been thinking how happy I was/am to be carefree and concentrate on being and growing me. This weekend, I have been making resolutions and solutions to be happy.

Will get down to serious work - studying products, compiling leads - when I come back from dancing this afternoon... with however much time I'd be left with. Maybe I should make studying products the priority.


Have a great Sunday, people!

loneliness.

I am feeling extremely lonely. Not in terms of company in the physical sense, but emotionally and spiritually.

I am in one of the most dreaded modes that I experience about 50% in my life time: I am in the mode of thinking how stupid the whole world is.

Before you think I'm being high and arrogant, I'm telling you now how I actually feel. I am feeling downright lonely.

I think people don't understand the value of LOGIC, doing things that absolutely make sense, because they are so overwhelmed with emotions, self-defense and self-importance. I hate thinking how stupid the whole world is, because it makes me feel I'm not part of them. The stupidity draws a line between me and the rest of the world. I wouldn't think they are stupid if they didn't segregate me using their baseless emotions, but the fact is they did. Just because they FEEL like it they fail to understand logic, they fail to understand me. In this world, everything is about oneself and how oneself FEELS, isn't it?

Where's my place in this world, seriously? I really wish I were very, very stupid, so I never have to feel lonely.

Oh, cats!

Why I'm suddenly so into owning a cat of my own, I think has to do with the change I'm starting to go into (or starting to feel!) right now. Colleague showing me pictures and videos of her cat just started triggering all sorts of serious reactions and questions from me about owning a cat. Even I weirded myself out. Altho me liking cats is no secret, it is baffling why the sudden interest in owning one.

I think in general things seem to be a bit more complicated than I'd like them to be. Part of this "change" is actually having my feeling's side develop more and more. It is quite scary... the feeling of having feelings.... it's vulnerablity and stupidity to the max. But I think I still have it under control. I still love working so I know I still am a Rational :) :)

Considering I have NEVER been an animal person, I am quite terrified actually... of killing the cat. Somehow any non-living thing under my care tends to get neglected and scratched, worn out, under-maintained... let alone having a living thing under my care. I think it'd sooner die.

So, I am doing a lot of research now! :) I don't want to kill my cat :( I want to give it lots of love!! :D

(I think cats are very independent so they will take care of themselves and I won't end up killing them right. They better be. I remember my Neopet cat 10 years ago ran away from home cause I was away for too long :( And all the fishes my dad brought home on several occasions for us to rear died within 1 week :( )

Plan is, to move out in 10 months' time. Once I have my place I will be able to own my cat :D So that's probably in a year's time. I should have more than enough time to prepare myself for motherhood then. Ah! :D

I WANT A PERSIAN CAT. Either the original breed or exotic shorthair. :) :)

Colourpoint Persians


Persian Longhair










Exotic Shorthair

The Ultimatum

Talking to Mama is so inspiring. I'm really getting the REAL feel that all the money is out there in the world, and they are for me to grab.

I am determined to start FEELING rich today. It is a must, or I am not going to progress.

So I will definitely be making purchases in October. Items that have been waiting on the waiting list for so long...:

• Shoes for work (my current pair is breaking apart but I'm still wearing them like dear life :( )
• Bag for work (current one is too small)
• Bellydance costume (I just need to satisfy my craving for a real professional looking one)
• Hair cut
• Nice clothes for going out
• Going out to nice places

This is THE time to enjoy life. I can't wait...

September is almost done

Predictions from the forecast came true.

• Shocking income news: Check.
• Catch a bad cold: Check.
• Tensions in relationship: Check.
• Charm in place: Check.

Of course there are other details that were mentioned that didn't apply, or didn't come true at all... but still I am not surprised at how reliable fortune-telling can be. I don't mean to sound like a freaking superstitioner, if I sound like one to you at all.

The key to take away is, I am not panicking. Maybe it's because I read the forecast beforehand and I mentally prepared myself for the worst - so things really don't seem as bad as I would expect. I am glad at least my manager was really kind to help me buffer the blow to a little extent... :)

Now, according to the forecast, it's 23 September that is going to bring me the last set of shocking news. Dammit, this one really does not need to come true at all.

Really hope everything will turn out well. October, November and December are supposed to be great months for me, but all I can see now is really tough experiences I need to get through before I can see light.

I am still believing in my decisions.

:)

I wanted a bigger stage; I finally got it.

I am surprised my horoscope did not mention that this week for me is GOAL-SETTING week. What a turning point I am experiencing in September.

On Thursday, my manager made me spend the whole day thinking about the next 10 months, as well as the financial goals I want to achieve in my life in 5 years' time. Today, my bellydance instructor wanted me to think about the bellydancing goals I want to achieve in the next 6 months, 2 years and 5 years too.

"Next 5 years" must be the golden phrase. I can't help but think the new chapter of my life has begun. I no longer feel like the little girl who is sheltered by school and family. This is for sure - I am entering serious adulthood, serious life. Not funny anymore.

The stress I'm feeling is real.

My birthday celebration(s) 2009: part 3

Met up with Mocha for my birthday get-together last Saturday. Visited ION and Wisma Atria to do some shopping.

Camwhoring in ION's ladies.



Went on for some shopping among the designer brands, before finally feeling hungry at tea time for... tea! Tho strictly it was lunch for both of us... at the wrong time. Hehe.
Finally managed to satisfy my craving for ban mian! :)


After more walking and shopping we finally rested our tired legs at TCC.






Mocha looked happier with her drink than with me. Hmm...


Me and my Columbian coffee!


Once again, life is beautiful! :)

Apprehension...

It is strange why the last time I updated this blog I didn't mention a bit at all about my experience of starting work, because I started work on 3 Sep and the last entry about shopping desires was on 6 Sep. Hmm. I'm doing a lot of things I don't remember lately... seriously freaky. I think my brain is getting cluttered with too many thoughts.

Quite a few things happened the past week, especially that regarding work. Had an intensive 4-day training with exams, thankfully I passed them all. It seems like it isn't that easy at all getting into this business. Without a great deal of perseverance and real determination you'll want to give up with all the hurdles neverendingly presenting themselves right before you, even before you got recruited and started working. For now, now that I've officially put my first foot on the turf, I'm hoping with all my might I don't lose my focus. This is a career needing a lot of motivation, discipline and drive.

Right now, the most pressing and very, very stressful task on my mind is to generate leads for work. I'm seriously and extremely stressed. Not helping that I'm time-pressed as well. I'm surprised, given the well-known flexibilty of time for this job, I'm actually finding myself busier than I expect. I still am enjoying autonomy and some control of working hours tho, so it isn't so bad yet.

Leads, leads, leads. That is all that is on my mind now. Really need the time and some good inspiration to spur this process.

It also doesn't help that the AstrologyZone's September forecast for Leo keeps harping on the fact that my finance is getting into a rough patch from mid September onwards.

... September 17 will bring financial news that is at once jarring and depressing. Your focus will be money, but this time your own income, not loans or credit, will be your focus. Something is sure to shock you within four days of this date, but it will be hard to prepare.

...

It seems more likely that someone you trust with your finances, or a person with whom you earn or share money, has led you to believe that everything is fine just to keep you in the dark. Now, however, the truth will come out, and when it breaks you may be quite shocked.

...

It will be as if you were sitting in a lovely, romantic setting, perhaps a pretty cocktail lounge in a beautiful hotel. Suddenly someone switched on all the bright, greenish fluorescent lights in the room - the kind they use to light up evening baseball games - making the glare to your eyes quite painful. You will see every detail and every flaw in the financials you are looking at.

...

Leos who keep a pragmatic attitude - rather than panic - will do best in this most difficult month for monetary matters. The plan you develop this month, although possibly painful to enact, will work beautifully and put you on stronger footing. Actually, the process toward financial security may turn out to be easier than you think. There will be a happy ending if you have the courage to do what is necessary. Assigning blame would be unproductive. You may find yourself in a situation that was not of your making, but spending time thinking about how unfairly you've been treated will only slow you down. October will be a good strong month, and so will November, so think about how best to use them.

My intuition is telling me the key person in my life this month is going to be my very driving manager. I've been liking him a lot actually, but I think if I don't start working damn hard to produce some result he set me (which seem like very high goals to me), I am going to get it. I'm crossing my fingers and holding them tight that I will survive! Not the reprimanding part he might give me but the cold, hard truth about my performance/financial situation. For sure I am completely entrusted in his professional opinion.
...


Something happier to chirp me a little: it's Sundayyyyy tomorrow! DANCE!!

My wants

I really wish I have A LOT, A LOT of money, because I so want to make these mine!!!

Sony VAIO SR45 pink, $2,199 (excluding accessories)


Sony HDR-CX100E red, $1,399


Bellydance costume red $519.82 (excluding shipping and fees)


Bellydance costume purple, $550.40 (excluding shipping and fees)


Bellydance costume gold snakeskin, $684.94 (excluding shipping and fees)


TOTAL: $5,353.16


So where am I going to get the money from? Sigh :(

Welcome back, intuition

2 dreams last night.

1) Fer just came home and was at the door. The moment she opened the door she screamed for me because a black cat was aggressively trying to make its way into our house. I was coming down the stairs when I heard Fer. The black cat pounced on me and dug its claws into my right arm.

Cat
To see a cat in your dream, symbolizes an independent spirit, feminine sexuality, creativity, and power. It also represents misfortune and bad luck. The cat could indicate that someone is being deceitful or treacherous toward you. If the cat is aggressive, then it suggests that you are having problems with the feminine aspect of yourself. The dream may be a metaphor for "cattiness" or someone who is "catty" and malicious.

If you see a black cat in your dream, then it indicates that you are experiencing some fear in using your psychic abilities and believing in your intuition. You may erroneously associate the black cat with evil, destruction, and bad luck.

2) Eliza and I were on holiday again, and we visited this restaurant-spa. It had a Malay/Indonesian ambience and setting, very cosy and luxurious. The focus was on the spa or jacuzzi tub, which Eliza and I soaked in. The jacuzzi tub was filled with very fragrant ginger tea! Very therapeutic, mmmmm!

Spa
To dream that you are at a spa, suggests that you need to take time out and pamper yourself. Perhaps you need to come clean and wash away old secrets, pains, or guilt. It is time to let your emotions out and begin the healing process. Start fresh.

I'm glad I had these dreams. I think I know much better what to do now, my intuition has led the way :) Finally, after an entire month!

My dear intuition, I have been searching high and low for you! Hugs!

Re-posts

Guess what! I was so bored I went to review my past unpublished entries and posted TWELVE of them!

I realised how disorganised my thoughts were when I was depressed, and how afraid I was of publishing unhappy posts. Now that I'm no longer afraid to share my unhappy past (to contrast my happy present), I have proudly posted all my unhappy entries! Chances of anybody reading them are low anyway since they're outdated and hidden among all the old entries, hehehehe.

I still have unpublished entries tho, especially from earlier in 2007. But those entries will remain unpublished cause they are meant to be :)

I hope I won't have to hide too many more of my thoughts down the road. I do want to be my happy, open self! :)

It is only 1 September 2009. Urrggh!

As I write this it has officially turned September. I will miss you, Birthday Month :(

It sure doesn't help to hear that September is not going to be a smooth month... quite a dampener especially after I've raved to the whole world about how happy I've been these days :\

-.-

But! I believe in will power. I'm gonna believe if I am happy the good things will come to me! I will believe that I have the power to make it work for me. Or at least, cushion the worst.

:)

I have been uber duper bored because I CANNOT WAIT to start on work and my new dance course. There seems to be nothing else in life that's more interesting than these 2 now. This one whole week is like a complete blank for me. Really don't like not having anything to do. Really, I can think of nothing now except fulfil my bellydance dream and my earn-a-lot-of-money dream. I am so hungry - for success.

I CANNOT WAIT. Sorry, can't help repeating that. I wish it were 2 September already. Or 6 September - better still :D


To fill the time/make full use of my free time I've been trying to get started on the ebay shop thing. Only managed to get as far as listing the items I want to sell. It's retarded la this whole process; I HATE doing all these stupid minute tasks. What's more I don't even know the things I want to sell well. And I don't really believe in them. They are all like, rubbish, I wouldn't understand why anybody would want to buy them. Doooooohhhhhhh.

Can I just throw this whole box away??


Aside from praying every hour that time would pass faster, my current real preoccupation is thinking about defining my dance style, so I'm able to develop it further for good :D

A revelation from watching a few videos has brought to light again the fact how much I love watching people dance to decode their personalities :) Needless to say, I am loving this personality I'm exuding in my dance.

I'm loving being me. I'm loving being Leo. I'm loving being ENTJ.

I'm loving being Aniqa.

I'm loving being Patricia Cai.


Y

Coffee!

Randomness: I have been enjoying really nice coffee made this way -

• 2 teaspoons of coffee powder
• 1 teaspoon of brown sugar (which is really not sweet at all; I dunno where my father got this brown sugar from - and if it really is brown SUGAR)
• 3 teaspoons of cream powder

Sorry, just being afraid I'll forget the fact I'm loving coffee this way and the recipe to it :P